I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
