dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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