I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
