clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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