i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
