I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
