when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
