and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize