This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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