I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
