I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
