Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
