the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
