I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
