im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
