the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
