I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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