I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
