dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
