Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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