You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
