i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
