It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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