the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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