Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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