She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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