i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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