I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
