I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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