marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
