and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
