you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize