you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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