i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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