i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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