I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
