Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
