I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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