did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
