Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
