The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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