How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
