Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
