Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
