i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
