It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
