I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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