I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
