Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
