I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
