come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My liver just had a heart attack.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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