I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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