I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
