Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
