I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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