I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
