I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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