dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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