I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
