It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
