I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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