I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
