Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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