did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
