Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
