I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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