Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
