Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
