oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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