you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
