Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
