I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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