you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
