Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
