Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
