My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
