dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
