omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
