Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
