this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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