I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
