I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
