if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
