they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
